Dizzy Dee

A PHD graduate and an ordinary man went on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fell asleep.
Some hours later, the ordinary man woke up his PHD friend.
“Look up at the sky and tell me what you see?”
The PHD man replies,
“I see millions of stars.”
The ordinary man asks
“What does that tell you?”
The PHD guy ponders for a minute:
“Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?”

The ordinary man is silent for a moment, and then speaks.
“Practically… it tells me that someone has stolen our tent”.

Dear Tech support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as AFL 5.0, The Ashes 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: http: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and dont forget to install Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Tech Support.

Fortress Client Suite (an SSH client) is now available on Pragma System’s website! (An SSH client is a software program which uses the secure shell protocol to connect to a remote computer.)
They offer a variety of suites, each designed for your specific need! They offer server & client suites, as well as support for both of these. Before buying though, feel free to take a look at the customer reviews just to assure yourself that their service truly is as great as they claim!

7 x 7 = 49

That means we have exactly 7 weeks left before getting married. I am too excited to even begin and describe this feeling inside me. Sometimes it feels like nerves, other times just like uncontrollable excitement.

I’m nervous because there’s so little time left, and there’s still so much to be done - it feels like I won’t have enough time! I’m so worried that something doesn’t go right, but in the end who cares, right? We’re suppose to enjoy the day, and that’s exactly what we’re going to do!

I just CAN’T wait anymore…. And yet I can.

Yes, it’s that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners for 2007:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked…..

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a
claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its’ men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the ounter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which he clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and led, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer…$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided hat he’d just throw a cinder-block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder-block and heaved it over is head at the window. The cinder-block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ra n. The clerk called “911″ immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

***A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER***

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever
had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family .. unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

South Africa’s national anthem, “Nkosi Sikeleli Africa” will be replaced with “Hello darkness my old friend” composed for you by Eishkom.

Welcome to our world, pitchblack and powerless!

Last weekend we went to China mart, otherwise known as China Town. It was an experience and a half. I’ve never been there, and its in the middle of JHB city, I suppose not quite in the middle, but close enough for me! (I don’t know Jo’burg very well :D)

We went to look for some beads and marble pebbles, and found a whole load of those, and a bunch of other things too. This weekend we’re going there again, and possibly taking my sister with. Its just something that we’re not really used to I suppose. Sounds pretty lame though. LOL.

After having spent half the day walking around, staring at all the shops in amazement (probably with our mouths wide open), we decided to eat something since we were a little hungry. We walked around the Chinese restaurants, in search for something we like. But you can see right through to the kitchens, and it was absolutely horrifying to even THINK about eating something that came out of a filty kitchen like that - fat spattered all over the wall, and the extracter fan was clearly working overtime. It literally looked like grease dripping off the walls!!! We both lost our apetite fairly quickly, and left.

Once we could stomach the thought of food, we decided to stop at the BJ’s restaurant which is built over the N1 highway, and we had burgers there. Not that I think the kitchens were really cleaner, but at least I couldn’t see it!

I’m dedicating this post to Tom’s comment on my green wedding. He gave me such a nice ‘definition & significance’ of green, that I just thought I had to share it out here in the open.

Found some qualities of GREEN thought you might want to know about!!

Green is cooling, soothing, and calming both physically and mentally. If you are exhausted, green initially has a beneficial effect, but after a time, it becomes tiring.

Green acts upon the sympathetic nervous system. It relieves tension in the blood vessels and lowers the blood pressure. It acts upon the nervous system as a sedative and is helpful in sleeplessness, exhaustion, and irritability.

Green dilates the capillaries and produces a sensation of warmth.

Green is an aphrodisiac and a sex tonic !!!!

Green awakens greater friendliness, hope, faith, and peace.

Green is restful and revitalizing to overtaxed mental conditions. It is emotionally soothing.

Green is the color of energy, youth, growth, inexperience, fertility, hope, and new life.

Green is an emotional stabilizer and pituitary stimulant.

Thank you for sharing that Tom! I found it VERY interesting!

When traveling abroad, I usually look for Cheap Hotels - just because I cannot see why I should pay for an expensive hotel, while I spend all my time traveling in any case. Now I’m not talking about a hotel which cockroaches are crawling out from underneath your bed, but I’m not talking about a hotel with gold plated taps either!

If you’re looking to book a hotel online, before you start your travels, have a look at the sites which offer online hotel booking, you can find hotels on there that have a good reputation, but you might also need to get a home loan to afford staying in one! Maybe its different if you’re earning dollars or pounds, but here’s what I found:

When checking the availability of a hotel, you will see that the price is also provided. For interest sake, I checked a hotel in my area, a suite for two people, bed and breakfast included, was $1482.99 - for ONE night. What?!?! That is just sooo ridiculous!!

Now, I know what the prices are like in South Africa, but for ‘innocent’ tourists, this might seem like the norm - after all, there are quite a couple of hotels which are priced like this - specially to rip off tourists.

If you ever want to travel to South Africa, you’re more than welcome to ask me what a reasonable price would be to pay for a hotel.

Strange as it may seem, I might be moving into a place of our very own sometime soon! We’ve found a lovely townhouse, and I can move in in about 2 weeks time!!! Fantastic! I just realized now though that I don’t have half of what I might need, but who cares? Its our own little home, and I’m absolutely ecstatic!!!

Further more we’ve been experiencing Eskom’s load shedding in its full glory!! I’ve had about 4hrs off work each day because of the power failures. This is not as much fun as it might have been had I still been in school… See at work I still have the same responsibilities, but just less time to complete the tasks - that’s not so much fun…
Today I spent a lot of that time driving around in the mad traffic (caused by no working traffic lights), and then after that I had a on the grass, in the shade, outside our office building. The nap was good, up until the point where the power went back on. I don’t mind working, but waking me up from an afternoon nap is not always such a good idea I’m pretty grumpy.

Now I’m exhausted again - definitely not from working, but from heat exhaustion rather I suspect. LOL. Its lovely summer weather again here, and I’m loving it - just a pity we don’t have our aircon on UPS!!