Entries from April 2008 ↓

Answering Machine Sayings

1. Sorry I can’t get to the phone right now because my girlfriend and I are doing our favorite thing together. Personally I like doing it up and down, while she likes doing it side-to-side r-e-a-l slow… So I’ll get back to you when we finish brushing our teeth.

2. “911 – What is your emergency?”

3. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

4. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.

5. This is not an answering machine this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I’ll think about returning your call.

6. Hello. I’m home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you back as soon as I find it.

7.Hi, I’m not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

8. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message.

9. Please leave a beep at the message.

10. Please leave your name and number, and after I’ve doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.

11. You’re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

12. Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

13. Please leave a message as soon as possible and I’ll get back to you at the sound of the tone.

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Invaluable Advice

Take 2 minutes and read through this; you will be amazed at what you can learn!

Bed Sheets

After drying sheets, put both sheets and one pillowcase in the other pillow case. Fold neatly in a square. Next time you change sheets, you just take the one pillow case and all the sheets and pillow case are inside. No need to look for matches.

Reheat Pizza

Heat up leftover pizza in a non-stick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.

Reheating Refrigerated Bread

To warm biscuits, pancakes, or muffins that were refrigerated, place them in a microwave with a cup of water. The increased moisture will keep the food moist and help it reheat faster.

Broken Glass

Use a dry cotton ball to pick up little broken pieces of glass – the fibers catch ones you can’t see!

Easier Thank You’s

When you throw a bridal/baby shower, buy a pack of thank you cards for the guest of honor. During the party, pass out the envelopes and have everyone put their address on one. When the bride/new mother sends the thank you’s, they’re all addressed!

Name Tag

If you purchase a new bike for your child, place their picture inside the handle bar before placing the grips on. If the bike is stolen and later recovered, remove the grip and there is your proof who owns the bike.

Flexible Vacuum

To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum. It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.

Reducing Static Cling

Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and — voila — static is gone.

Measuring Cups

Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill it with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don’t dry the cup. Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

Foggy Windshield?

Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!

Reopening Envelope

If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two. Voila! It unseals easily.

Conditioner

Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It’s a lot cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It’s also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn’t like when you tried it in your hair…

Good-bye Fruit Flies

To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass fill it 1/2 with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dishwashing liquid, mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!

Get Rid Of Ants

Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it “home,” & can’t digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, esp. if it rains, but it works & you don’t have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!

Take Baby Powder To The Beach

Keep a small bottle of baby powder in your beach bag. When you’re ready to leave the beach sprinkle yourself and kids with the powder and the sand will slide right off your skin.

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Zimbabwe’s Hope

As you may or may not know, Zimbabwe’s future was in the hands of the people a few days ago. Or so they want the rest of the world to believe. There were claims that Mugabe was involved in some sort of corruption of the votes, but no evidence of this has been brought forth.

For now we all wait in silence for the verdict. So far the MDC is leading by very litte, but still leading. It seems like the silence before the storm. Whichever way it goes, its going to be a time of dramatic change that lies ahead in my opinion. I really hope and pray that something would change for the future of Zimbabwe, but maybe the time isn’t right for that yet.

They currently have an inflation rate of more the 100 000%, and a lot of their citizens have fled their country in a desperate attempt to make something of their own lives. For the sake of the people, I really hope that the changes ahead are good.

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Cher Live In Las Vegas!?

Cher

Cher found fame in 1965 as half of the pop duo Sonny & Cher and hs since gone on to become one of the most successful solo recording artists, releasing over 25 albums and earning a Grammy Award®, Emmy Award, Academy Award, three Golden Globes and several Billboard Music Awards as well as a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Its now 2008, and I love Cher’s music, though now, it only brings back memories of my high school years, there was a time when her hits were really big. Now they are probably considered classics, even though they were only launched in the 90’s. I find it particularly amazing that a single person can perform for such a long time. Her music is timeless, and she seems to be somewhat timeless as well…

Grammy® award winning performer Cher will begin performing at Ceasar’s Palace in Las Vegas in May, 2008. Cher joins an exclusive list of stars to perform at Ceasars Palace that includes Celine Dion, Elton John and Bette Midler.

I wonder if she’ll ever bring out an album again. She’s been pretty quiet lately. If you feel like you need to relive the 90’s with Cher, or if you’re just a fan, there are Cher tickets Las Vegas which you can get at Team One Tickets, online! They are pretty pricy, and start at about $224. I guess if you’re a loyal fan, and can’t afford to miss this oppurtunity, you’ll have to start saving up now already.

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