Dizzy Dee

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
3. How about “never”? Is “never” good for you?
4. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
5. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
6. Ah, I see the f***-up fairy has visited us again.
7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
8. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
9. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
10. Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
13. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
14. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
15. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
16. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
17. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
18. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
19. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
20. No, my powers can only be used for good.
21. I’m really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
22. You sound reasonable…time to up my medication.
23. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
24. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
25. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
26. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
27. My toys! My toys! I can’t do this job without my toys!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What’s the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

And the winner is……….
Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

Edited: My most sincere apologies for the horrible sound which accompanied this post. Please forgive me. I only realized this mornig when I had my headphones plugged in, that the pig test had that aweful sound with it. If you’d still like to do the pig personality test, please follow this link

Still on the topic of personality tests, I found a really fun, but shallow personality analysis. You’re welcome to try it out. Its simple and fast, and quite entertaining

With all the F’s” up there, I might as well continue, and share some Funnies with you…

For those of you who intend to become parents one day, and for those of you who have kids, but might have missed out on these helpful tips, please note!!

I found child care for dummies on Theselfishbastard.com, and I think its absolutely hilarious, but REALLY ESSENTIAL.

…More

1.Open Google

2.Type in “find chuck norris”

3.Don’t click on Google Search, click on “I’m feeling lucky” instead

This is what you’ll find…

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the b!tch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt … a wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila

4. In need of a support group - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I’m on it and so far I’ve lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just my personality.

8. I know I’m in my own little world, but it’s ok. They know me here.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don’t get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons in 2008 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember every good looking, sweet, single male is someone else’s ex boyfriend!

Some horrible things (and some funny things) have happened to me through this past week.

First of all, I’ve lost my page rank - its just GONE. I’m back down to zero as I was before Google had indexed me! Can you believe it? Maybe its just coz they’re in the process of updating their indexing (or whatever terminology I’m suppose to use for that). I really hope its just a temp thing. :S

And then the other thing is somewhat embarrassing… My stomach has started to make REALLY weird noises. Like their’s a baby whale in my stomach, trying to communicate with whoever is close to me. Its really aweful. You know the type of noises your stomach make, and then everyone starts looking around. Well that’s it - except no one is looking around coz they know its mine - or they probably think its me farting in the office all day. There’s no point in explaining this, or trying to, they will just think the worst in anycase, but nod sympathetically while I tell them about the ‘noises’.

I’ve started eating a bit less to lose some weight before the wedding, and I’m guessing that’s the reason for the sudden whale communication. My whale wants more food… :O

For those of you who have shared in the joys of Eskom’s power cuts recently, here’s a new album just for you. Only problem, I have no idea how you’re going to listen to it. LOL. I guess you’d have to get a generator for you CD player!

We have a generator at work now, and I must say, I am thankful for it. Though we don’t have the kettle on it ( ) we can at least continue working, and feel like we’ve accomplished something at the end of the day!