Dizzy Dee

So cute I had to share…

A man called home to his wife and said, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends.

We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for
a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we’re Leaving From the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up”

” Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas. “

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked.

The following Weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish? He said, “Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?”

The wife replied, “I did. They’re in your fishing box …”

This was just so funny, I had to share

What would the world be like without men?
Full of fat, happy women.

Better to have loved and lost than spent your whole life with him.

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

Love starts when you sink into his arms and ends with your arms in his sink.

Women’s faults are many, men have only two; everything they say and everything they do.

Stilettos are a pushover….
Wear boots!

Boys will be boys, but girls always become women.

What do you call a man who’s lost 90% of his brain?
A widower !

If high heels are such a good idea why don’t men wear them?

Marriage is not a word, It’s a sentence.

Why do men give names to their penis?
‘Cause they don’t want some stranger making 95% of their decisions.

But if they can send one man to the moon, why can’t they send them all?

How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
It depends on how thin you slice them.

What do you call a thousand men at the bottom of Lake Ontario?
A good start.

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.

Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
They don’t have time.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They don’t stop and ask for directions.

What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don’t know; it has never happened.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught fire.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

How are men and parking spots alike?
Good ones are always taken.

Man says to God: “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?”
God says: “So you would love her.”
Man says: “But God, why did you make her so dumb?”
God says: “So she would love you.”

1. Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

2. Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4. Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.

5. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6. Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.

7. Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.

8. Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

9. Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby

10. Team Lead is a person actually knows how many men and women required to deliver the baby , but will not tell anyone

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Please note that this is not meant to condescend to any specific group of South Africans, its merely a humorous look at one of the accents in South Africa…

Beck - not the front

Beds - doves, vultures, etc.

Ben - to set alight

Cut - a small vehicle drawn by a donkey

Errors - districts, e.g. “Ebbon errors” (urban areas)

Feather - implies distance - Cape Town is feather than Johannesburg

Guddin - around your house, where you grow plunts

Get - a hinged opening in a fence

Hair - as opposed to him

Hiss - masculine form of hairs

Itch - as in “itch and aviary pairsin”

Kennel - Army officer

Len - to acquire knowledge

Pee-Pull - Die Mense / people

Phlegm - the hot part at the end of a candle

Piss - symbolised by white doves

Suffa-Ring - as in “the pee-pull are suffa-ring”

Parrot Teksi - not a mamba of the teksi assoseshen

Toks - Negotiations

Weaner - the weaner takes all

Wekkas - they do the wek

Weld - The Earth

I’m getting ready for the weekend, and really cannot wait until 5pm. It has been a long week for me, and the rest is going to do me a whole lot of good. Like I said, I’m going to play games. But I might watch a movie or two, plus I have to do some filing.

Hope you have a fabulous weekend! Check back with ya on Monday

Here’s something to start the weekend with…

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana’s death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you correct me on the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This was posted by an African, using Bill Gates’ - (an American)technology, and you’re probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Pakistani men, and trucked to you by Mexicans.

That, my friend, is Globalization.

I thought I’d entertain you with this since I don’t have much time to post. We’re in our pre-release cycle at work which means I’m working like a mad person. Hope to post some TEXT soon

…a Pizza Hut?

When I saw that photo that song immediately came up in my mind. I can’t get it out now

Got them in an e-mail from my sister, here are other cute ones which were included in the mail…

[Happy Easter] [Gas mask?]

Yes, we all knows we have to recycle - paper, glass, who know what else, so here I’m going to make my contribution and recycle an old post Thanks to Beth who tagged me, I bring to you the bit below from a post I did about a year ago (June,20th - 2006)

“Life is all about ass” You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like it!

And now, for the ones who are to be tagged…. I present to you

Kristyn-Marie | Tisha Best | Kuntry Gurl | Kelly | Barbara