Place of Hope

Life sometimes takes strange and unexpected turns. Just when things seem to get into a manageable routine everything goes upside down. Just when you think you’re one step ahead, everything turns against you. Seems like my week was like that – maybe the last two weeks. Whenever I start to feel proud of myself, there’s someone pointing out something that I could still do. Something that I could look into – to better myself. And that’s when I feel like giving up. When they don’t see my efforts. When they don’t notice my hard work. When they don’t care if I’m seriously exhausted. I suppose those things happen to keep me humble. To teach me to think of MORE things to do. But more so, different ways of thinking. Encouraging me to change my mindset [sometimes I don't even know what that is] I tend to adjust my mindset a lot. Sometimes I’m more giving of myself – other times I just couldn’t be bothered. Some days I think its important to be nice, other days I think its more important to be honest, and be the way I feel. This week though I put in a lot of effort. I worked late every single night. I tend to work better when there aren’t so many people at work. Maybe I’m just generally irritated? I need this coming weekend so badly… I know this is probably one of my most boring posts, but maybe the people who know me will understand a bit better. I just hope that I can relax this weekend. Some weekends I tend to think about work all the time – how I’m going to do things in the upcoming week and so on. I hate that. It spoils my whole weekend. Like my mind won’t switch off. And also the people I spend my time with don’t appreciate my absent mindedness… Oh well… I hope I can get some kind of stability at work. At least I’m hoping at this stage. Hoping, and not giving up. I don’t ever want to be depressed, and though easier said than done, I believe its possible. I tend to make things worse for myself though, and that doesn’t help. But its good to have a positive area in my life. My relationship is amazing. Things have picked up really well, and we’re going steady again. I won’t let work interfere with that… But it does put a bit of a strain on the relationship. I’m very insecure at work at the moment. Though I probably have more knowledge, and have worked there longer, there’s an older person who is trying to outrun me, outsmart me, and outwit me. She wants to beat me to a promotion, and Its just stressful. Specially because people tend to trust older people easier – they have more experience, but hey, what about me ??? I worked hard to get where I am – and now what? I just did that for nothing? I don’t hope so. After today things don’t look too bad, but I’m not letting my guard down, cause that’s when they catch you – when you’re least expecting it. Oh well… I suppose there’s nothing much I can do. I can just carry on working my arse of… and I can hope…

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